Looking back at 2024, I realize how far I’ve come post giving over control to the Savior of the world. This is a testimony of where I was one year ago—broken and searching. I am a witness of his miraculous goodness then and still today.
So reminiscing over the last year and a half of my life this holiday season, taking the time to look back and remember where I was in a season of my life where I spent so much time fixing all of these things in my world that really were lacking importance and purpose. No wonder I had hit a huge brick wall that I couldn’t climb, blow through, or get around… Looking back I remember feeling utterly powerless and confused.
It was in that space that I was found.
It’s funny how things work; I remember booking a hotel on June 30th, 2024 because I knew I couldn’t be in my own home. Desperate for answers, my soul ran searching for my source. I frantically searched for a Holy Bible in the hotel room, but there was none to be found. Holy Bibles used to be commonplace in every hotel room in the United States—I would know, having stayed in more than my fair share—yet in my time of dire need, the drawers turned up empty.
I had my phone, so in its stead, I played music by Elevation Worship and cried out to God…
“Why, Lord? Why is this happening to me? How did I get here??”
Bewildered, lost, heartbroken, and confused, I cried out again: “Please save me, Lord, and show me. Show me how I got here.”
Little did I know that these words would serve as the catalyst not only for the days of the hotel stay but for the many months to come….
I spent a total of two nights and three days in that hotel. Since there was no printed Word (Bible) in the room, I went to my digital go-to for sermons, searching for podcasts and YouTube videos to feed my spirit.
I had been lukewarm in my faith for so long, but in those moments I became Unhewn for the Master’s hand to reshape and reform.
At the end of one video, I took a stand, raised my hands in surrender, and reaffirmed my faith. Repeating after Pastor Steven Furtick, declaring that “I believe that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. He died on the cross to save me from my sins. I believe that He rose again to give me life. This is my new beginning,”
In an instant I was saved, In an instant I was changed…
After giving my life to Christ in that space of grace, the susurrus of my mind told me that it was time to get a new physical Bible. After my divorce in 2023, I had left everything behind, so in my home, I didn’t have one. I digged around Amazon and bought a fresh copy in minutes. , When I finally got home, I opened it up. I was led immediately to look for the concept:
“Pride cometh before the fall.”
A quick google search led me to Proverbs 16. I read each word from that passage with new eyes. I knew this passage from childhood. A passage that was preached and taught to the younger version of myself many times, but for the first time in my life, the words I read in the Bible were alive. As if looking at a mirror or microscope into my life I found the words of proverbs 16 showing me shards of my then broken peices.
I saw memories of shame, selfishness, and pride flash through my mind as if in a dream. Each verse illustrated different scenarios of my failure, and each word illuminated areas where I thought my way was the right way.
This illumination is best encapsulated in Proverbs 16:25. The King James Version puts it starkly:
“There is a way that seemeth right unto man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”
The Amplified Bible expands on this, hitting me right in the chest:
“There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but its end is the way of death.”
In utter failure, despair, and fragmentation, I knew I was capable of more, yet my way could do no more. When it felt like there was no hope left, I finally understood the words: “When one comes to the end of one’s self.”
I had come to the end of myself. There was nothing else I could do. By society’s standards, I had done everything “right.” But in this “rightness,” I had still fallen short. I now felt in my soul or what some call the heart of hearts that the everything “right” somehow was now ick. So I accepted defeat and sought the Father with fervor.
Proverbs 16 would then become the bedrock of my faith.
I knew I was made for more, but instead of curating it myself, I let Him take control. I studied that passage, read and re-read it over the course of I don’t know how many weeks. Intentionally walking in the renewing of mind that is mentioned in Romans 12:2:
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
-Romans 12:2 NIV
Fast forward 17 months. I can finally say that it took a year for God to reveal how I got to that place of brokenness. But in His showing, He also took His time to mold me.
Somehow, in the moment of my shattering—when I declared Jesus as Lord—I became an Unhewn Stone. I became whole. I became a new creation waiting to be shaped. The following months were the Master forming me into a vessel for His glory.
Now, looking back at that hotel stay, I see God’s goodness. He showed up every day, in every moment. He saved me in an instant, then took me on a journey to answer my cry.
I can attest to the love, healing, joy, and peace I feel today. This overflow of hope is the proof of God’s faithfulness described in Lamentations 3:
“It is because of the LORD’S lovingkindnesses that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions never fail. They arenewevery morning; great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23 AMP
Jesus said it best when he told us in John 10:10 that he came that we might have life more abundantly. This year, stepping into that abundant life that He purchased for me, deserves proclamation that God is faithful and mighty to save! King David told us in Pslams to give thanks:
“O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercyendureth for ever.”
Psalm 107:1 (KJV)
Given what Jesus has done for us, how He bore our griefs and stepped into the shadow of our mortality, walking in a frame meant for death so that He could conquer it. Through His sacrifice, He secured the ultimate victory, extending to every soul the promise that a life of abundance has been fully paid for—inviting us to simply step into His victory today, we must thank Him and give Him all the praise.
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